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| How I want to be |
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| How I would also want to be |
I have spent the last two years pretty much separating my persona's, like some sort of living embodiment of the Madonna/Whore trope. One part is the maternal, pure, costumed matron. The other is some sort of perverted sex object, open with my sexuality and all its diversity.
Yes sometimes one part bleeds into the other, I came out subtly to a few people at work but in general I don't talk about my life all that much and more recently, I came out rather spectacularly to the other mums as we were all very drunk, pretty sure I offered to kiss one so.....that happened.
I was very, very drunk.
Anyhoo, from my last serious relationship, until now, I have wondered how to incorporate both of these sides of myself with what I want to be, a Victorian lady with a rather saucy and sexy bedtime persona, with what gets projected onto me by these men (just keeping it real). Who don't want the Lady, nor do they want a bedtime vixen, they just want a body, naked (or scantily clad in things I would never wear) because it is about their sexuality, not mine. At the end of the day, to many men, you are fulfilling a fantasy of theirs, rather than living your own sexual truth.
Even when it comes to men in the vintage/historical scene, they have little interest in you unless you fulfil a preconceived notion of what vintage women look like. I haven't had much luck with those men at all.
Maybe I am just going to stick to being me, in all its contradiction and loving it.
Yes sometimes one part bleeds into the other, I came out subtly to a few people at work but in general I don't talk about my life all that much and more recently, I came out rather spectacularly to the other mums as we were all very drunk, pretty sure I offered to kiss one so.....that happened.
I was very, very drunk.
Anyhoo, from my last serious relationship, until now, I have wondered how to incorporate both of these sides of myself with what I want to be, a Victorian lady with a rather saucy and sexy bedtime persona, with what gets projected onto me by these men (just keeping it real). Who don't want the Lady, nor do they want a bedtime vixen, they just want a body, naked (or scantily clad in things I would never wear) because it is about their sexuality, not mine. At the end of the day, to many men, you are fulfilling a fantasy of theirs, rather than living your own sexual truth.
Even when it comes to men in the vintage/historical scene, they have little interest in you unless you fulfil a preconceived notion of what vintage women look like. I haven't had much luck with those men at all.
Maybe I am just going to stick to being me, in all its contradiction and loving it.
